Chart Roast & Reverie

Astrology that drags you, heals you, and haunts you — in 10 long style savage tweets 

What This Is

A personalized 10-part Twitter-style thread that reads your birth chart like a poem written by a disappointed guardian angel.
It’s part roast, part revelation, part spiritual intervention.

No sugarcoating.
No generic astrology memes.
Just the truth — beautifully worded and slightly offensive. 

 

What You Get

A custom 10 tweet chart breakdown covering:

  1. Core Identity — Sun, Moon, Rising. Your main character flaw.

  2. Love & Attachment Issues — Venus, Mars, 5th & 7th house chaos.

  3. Money & Self-Worth — 2nd & 8th house delusions, spending karma.

  4. Emotional Coping Mechanisms — Moon + 12th house escapism.

  5. Your Recurring Pattern — Saturn, Nodes, Pluto. The thing you keep reliving.

  6. Your Most Roastable Trait — I will call you out. With love.

  7. Haunting Contemplation — A poetic line that lingers for days.

  8. Friendships — Who you attract, why it hurts, why you stay.

  9. Career & Destiny — 10th house fate + what you’re actually meant for.

  10. You’d finally be happy if… — The exact thing your soul is begging for.

 

 

Delivered to your email within 7 days. 


Who This Is For

People who are tired of gentle astrology
People who want to laugh, cry, and aren't afraid of little roast
People who know their birth time and aren’t afraid of the truth
Creatives, lovers, mystics, chaos beings

 

 Investment
$111 

 

 Why Chart Roast & Reverie????

I created this offering cause everyone and their mom wants to get their chart read, and TBH I noticed the move soul hitting astrological insights are short and punchy. I have so much fun making tweets about humanity, astrology, and everything in-between, why not make full on chart readings short, punchy, and digestible?

I think this will be one of the most juicy, hilarious, the perfect amount of punch readings that you can receive.

Get it while it's hotttt. 

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